Saturday, January 21, 2012

The Metamorphosis of Me.

Note: If you don’t want to read anything raw or real then I would suggest you stop reading now. ;)

If there is anything I have learned these past few years it is that it is more than okay to break the status quo! 3 or 4 years ago I’m not sure I would have said that. Not because I didn't believe it but because I never really wanted to or had to do it. These past few years, just in my everyday life, opportunities have presented themselves to me in which I just couldn’t do what everyone else was doing. Not physically couldn’t do it but something just felt off on the inside. Trust me, I have tried to just “go with the flow” and “jump on the bandwagon” so to speak, but every time afterward my conscious would be kicking me and my heart would eventually sink.

In recent months I have been fascinated with people who are ‘forerunners’, in other words, the first person to do something. I have read story after story of people that have not just went along with everyone else but have stood up for what they believed, or they had a new idea that had never been done before and they did it.
I respect these people and I have found that they all have one thing in common, they were all criticized for it. When you step out and do something “different” we probably will be criticized for it. And I hate to say this, but most often the worst criticism will come from those inside the church not outside of it. That’s the price to pay for “thinking different” (in a positive way not in a destructive way), but eventually once the way is paved history shows others will probably follow

I have never set out to be this kind of person. My whole life I have always been trying to fit in, I have always had this fear of standing out because it meant possible rejection. As long as I can remember I have always feared critics and rejection, but for a while now some of these situations have been in my face, and in my heart I know there is only one right answer. I feel like I have been choosing to make decisions that cause me to go against the flow…at first I hated it, it brought up every insecurity I had and even the ones I didn't know I had. But choosing the other option made me feel even worse, and so did choosing not to choose (complacency). Vulnerability, uncomfortably, and fear were pretty much all I felt when I would go to sleep at night…for a long time.

Looking back I really didn't know if I could withstand resistance and rejection and eventually not change myself. But difficulty has a way of letting you know what’s on the inside, and everything that I felt that has been challenged in my life these past few years has only given me a resolve of steel not to change, bend, or be a man pleaser under any circumstance, especially when it comes to my faith. (and thank you to a few encouraging fiery friends!) The criticism may hurt me but now I know it won’t change me. I’m just stating all this matter of factly, it’s just sincerely where I’m at right now.

I have come into a new appreciation for individuality. I’m really starting to resent cookie cutter molds set in place that quietly define the way people are expected to be/think in the church. Nobody was made to be like anyone else, period. Just because it's always been done this way does that mean we have to keep doing it that way? Just because it's never been done before does that mean it can't be? ...just asking. I feel like our man-made systems puts standards on us that God does not. Am I making any sense? I’m not going rogue here or trying to break tradition just expressing something that’s been stirring in me for quite a while now. Break the status quo today, not just to break it but because the status quo isn’t always right. The status quo can be good but sometimes on the other side of it lays the best. I don’t want to settle for good, I truly desire the best, whatever that may be.  

So with all that to say, I can finally feel the fear of man leaving me in some areas of my life. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, and I’m willing to be lonely for what I believe in, although I don’t want to be, but I now know I am willing to be.
So the very thing I have feared is the very thing I have had to face these past couple years, and what I thought would take me out is actually helping set me free. Wow. I guess He really does know what He is doing…not that I ever doubted Him ;) 

...sometimes it takes the thing we fear to draw that very fear to the surface so we can overcome it...

Thank God for the people who had the courage to break the norm and “be different”, they are some of my teachers right now. If they didn’t we wouldn’t have some major companies, inventions, outreaches, music, and breakthroughs that we enjoy today.

I hope we all learn how to live life with courage, (and sometimes that means doing it afraid), because that’s what it takes to truly live. Can I get an amen? ;)

"The arrvial of a critic doesn't mean you're headed in the wrong direction, it probably means you're headed in the right one."
-Jon Acuff

I will not forfeit His presence just to gain the approval of man. For in doing so I would be giving up much to receive much less.


  1. I LOVE YOU!!!!! also a good 'you' quote! ;]
    "you have to just be yourself-you don't have the grace to be anyone else." <3 xoxo

  2. Too bad you didn't study Social Work! "But difficulty has a way of letting you know what’s on the inside" Preach it girl!