Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Things married's should never say to single's & vice versa

ok I read this blog and I thought it was excellent and all around just good advice. It's about what marrieds should not say to their single friends and what single's should not say to their married friends. confession: *this is NOT my writing* I can't say it any better than this so I'm not going to try. The link to the actual blogs are here: &

1. Please don’t tell us that as soon as we become “content” being single, we’ll meet “the one.” It sounds nice, and I get the point, but I know plenty of people who have gotten married before achieving perfect contentedness with single life. Not to mention, I’ve been content being single for awhile now – and I’m starting to wonder if it isn’t precisely this attitude which sometimes keeps us stuck.
2. Please don’t stop inviting us just because we’re single. We get it. You’re “married” now or whatever. But you’re still you. And we still want to be friends. Fifth wheel. Ninth wheel. 301st wheel. Whatever. We’re used to it. Just invite us to come.
3. Please don’t tell us how “easy” we have it being single. There might be some truth to that statement, but you know what? We get this a lot. And don’t forget that when life gets rough you have someone to share the load with you. Remember to be grateful for that.
4. Please don’t act like, since you’re married, you have it all figured out. Especially if you never dated much before you found your husband. Especially if the last time you dated, your age ended in “teen” (thank you, Shannon). Yes, your story is a beautiful story, and we love to hear you tell it. But we are living out our own beautiful story, and it’s okay that it doesn’t look like yours.
5. Please don’t assume that we’ll sleep on the couch. It’s Christmas or Thanksgiving and there are a dozen people staying at the same house, and yeah, we get it. You need the bed more than we do (go ahead and rub it in). If you ask us, we’ll let you have it. But don’t just assume. It’s humiliating.
6. Please don’t stop accepting our invites (and be willing to come alone). I mean, we don’t expect you to have a girls’ night every night. Your Friday night plans with your spouse are likely more fun. But just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can’t do anything without your wife/husband… right?
7. Please don’t set us up on dates without asking. I mean, set us up. We need you for that. But don’t do it without asking. Without veto power you’re setting us (both) up for a really awkward and unnecessary rejection.
8. Please don’t lie to us about what it is like to be married. Don’t be all like, “Marriage is peaches and cream” when you’ve spent all week fighting with your husband, and don’t say, “Oh, marriage isn’t really that cool anyway… you’re not really missing anything.” We need the inside scoop and you’re the one who can give it to us – the good, the bad and the ugly.
9. Please don’t tell us that if only we did/said/wore/ [fill-in-the-blank] then we’d be sure to find a husband. You’re over-simplifying and you’re asking us to be someone we’re not.  More often than not, we’ll probably do the thing you told us to do and end up attracting someone who doesn’t fit with us at all.
10. Please don’t tell us that we must have something else that “God wants to teach us” before we can get married. Marriage is not the prize you earn when you learn everything God has to teach you. I’m sure God has more that he wants to teach me. And he probably has some things he still wants to teach you, too.
11. Please don’t ask us why we are still single. Like we have an answer to that question. And if we did, we’d probably be working through whatever it was, so we could join the ranks of married folks like you.
12. Please don’t make it your life’s mission to find us a wife or husband. I mean, we get it. You want us to be happy – blah, blah, blah. But make sure you let us know you love us just as we are, even without a wife or a husband.
13. Please don’t act like the single life is some sort of JV team. Especially when you’re ten years younger than we are. Share your advice, but listen to ours. Don’t make life all about marital status, because it isn’t. We have wisdom and perspective to offer too. It’s just different wisdom than yours.
14. Please don’t respond to our break-up by telling us, “He wasn’t worth it anyway…” We know what you mean but it makes it sound like we just flushed a good chunk of our lives down the toilet. Relationships are never a waste, as long as we learn from them.
15. Please don’t give us advice like, “No man is worth your tears and the only man who is won’t ever make you cry…” You sound like a Hallmark card and plus, it makes it sound like the pain of relationships stops after marriage. And you’re married, for heaven’s sake. You should know better!

1. Don’t assume that the grass is greener on the other side.
Okay, I admit I may be making some assumptions here myself. Not all single people assume marriage is better than singleness. I get that. For those who might, however, realize that married life is just as complicated and tricky as the rest of life.

2. Don’t stop inviting your married friends to stuff you’re doing.

Married people still like to go to dinner, movies, ball games, wine tastings, and parties. Don’t count us out just because we’re married. It hurts our feelings. {Sniffle}

3. Don’t stop accepting invitations from your married friends.

Just because someone you know went and got wed doesn’t mean you can’t still hang out together. They’re still the same person and so are you…so go kick it.

4. Don’t rub your singleness in our noses.

“Ooh, being single is the best. So much freedom. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want…” Yadda, yadda, yadda. We get it. Being single rocks, but so does being married. Both have their benefits. Don’t flaunt.

5. Don’t ignore the fact that we are married–meaning, ask us about our marriages.

After all, they are a big, huge part of our lives. Please don’t pretend that they don’t exist. If we keep blabbing on and on about married life to an annoying degree, though, tell us.

6. Don’t assume the only thing we have to talk about is our spouse.

Sure, married folks should like to talk about their spouse, but we certainly have other interesting things to talk about. Just ask.

7. Don’t waste your singleness.

Okay, so this isn’t what you do to us, per se, but it’s still a single no-no. The apostle Paul was in favor of believers staying single. He personally saw singleness as a more opportune lifestyle. Why? Because you can do so much for God’s Kingdom without the responsibility that comes with marriage. Use your singleness to impact the Kingdom.

8. Don’t say, “If only I were married…”

Granted, not all single people wish to be married, but for those who think life starts at “I do,” here’s news: it don’t. Life starts now. Don’t wait until you’re married to achieve your goals.

9. Don’t place singleness–or married life, for that matter–on a pedestal.

Enjoy where you are now. Like I said, both have their upsides. Be content.

10. Don’t feel like a third wheel.

Married people aren’t sitting around thinking, “Ugh…(s)he is such a third wheel,” so you shouldn’t either.

11. If you are a single guy/girl who is friends with a chick/dude who gets married, don’t assume your friendship won’t change.

It will. Sorry.

12. Don’t be afraid of kids.
Sometimes married people go off and make babies. It has been known to happen. Kids are the byproduct of marriage. They shouldn’t, however, be a deterrent to you seeing your married peeps. It may even be good practice for your future. *ahem* Can anyone say “diaper change”?

13. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice.

Just because you are single and your friend is married doesn’t mean they can’t give great single advice. They were single once, too, ya know.

14. Don’t be afraid to give advice.

This is a biggie. Never feel like you being single in any way prevents you from sharing wisdom, advice, or counsel with a married person.

15. Never be afraid to tell your married friends to quit playing matchmaker.

I’ll be the first to admit that far too many married people like to meddle in the love lives of single people. We think we know “the perfect guy/girl for you” about 15 times over. Us married folks can be nosy, bossy, and pushy when it comes to matchmaking. If this happens, promptly tell them to put a cork in it. It’s good for us and better for you.

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