Can I be honest? Can I be transparent just for a second? Lately I have been feeling DULL....and I HATE that feeling. I went to see Jason Upton a few weeks back and he said something that has been sticking with me. "Routine is resistance to wonder". Man have I ever been feeling that. Maybe for some people their routine, whatever that may be, makes them feel alive. Mine rarely does. Sometimes I feel like it sucks the life out of me. I'm not one for the mundane even though I know there are things to be learned in that type of season but honestly, this is not what I want for the rest of my life. In this season, if I'm not careful, everything within me beings to dull. I've been feeling it, and noticing it, and wrestling with it for a long time now, and I'm not ok with it. I've been saying to myself while I drive home from work, when I'm in my car, and even when I'm in church...something is missing. Something that I had in my heart before that is not active now. Parts of my heart that I have let fall asleep because in my routine I was not deliberate about keeping them awake.
In my quiet times (the rare few that I get lately) this issue of being deliberate has really been pressing on me. I know my heart can't stay like this. I've come to the point where it's more painful to stay the same than to change. So I am going to be deliberate about giving my time to Him again. That means setting my alarm a few minutes earlier than I would have. I'm going to be deliberate about making time to read His word to me because I am in need of Life! We all need to be deliberate about pursuing Him because this is a relationship and He deeply pursues me but do I deeply pursue Him? If I don't then the change I need won't take place within me. I need to take the time to STIR up the things that are within me. The word deliberate basically means to do something on purpose. To make something a priority. If I am not deliberate about spending time with Him, about taking my thoughts captive, and even being aware of what I watch then parts of my heart will suffer and even my discernment dulls. Bottom line is if I don't go out of my way to spend time with Him, then I won't, because I'll just wait until I have the time (which will never happen!) ...and my heart reflects the symptoms of not spending time with Him (i.e. irritability, impatience, grouchiness etc..) So I am going to be deliberate about reaching, leaning, and pursuing Him because blessed are those who are found watching, waiting, and clothed in garments of readiness (Luke 12:35).
So now that I have said the word deliberate and even italicized it at least 50 times in this post I think you get what's been on my heart lately! I need to make time for Him on purpose. I may get less things done on the outside but I'll have more on the inside and that won't count against me!
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."